Monday, May 11, 2009

The royal flush: a week's worth of vomitus

May 11, 2009

Panel 1: I’ll fess up, I kind of like today’s art in this panel. I mean, it looks like Mark is petting an American hog-nosed skunk, but otherwise the perspective is pretty cool and it actually looks like Mark is hiding.

Panel 2: You know, Mark, maybe you shouldn’t move the log at all. That way, they can’t hop back in the car and drive away once you take the white glove off your Right Fist O’ Justice.

Panel 3: I’m not a big fan of Stringy’s recent adoption of android diction. Combine that with his apparent belief that Tom Wopat is blind and you’ve got the perfect set-up for leaden dialogue: “The dead tree that has fallen across the road is impeding our progress. I will exit the vehicle to remove this obstacle.”

May 9, 2009

Panel 1: Well, Mark, I’m not sure, but I think we can conclude that daintily waving a white-gloved hand and saying “Hey, Wait” is not going to work.

Panel 2: Is that car coming or going? Anybody?

Panel 3: The Elf looks a little shocked upon hearing that he is the cause of this ruckus. No doubt he’s quickly (or at least as quickly as his peabrain will allow him) running through all the possible reasons he could be at fault:

“Did I rob that bank? Did I steal this little dog? Did I rent a summer lake house as a hideout for my recent crime spree? Why did I make that violent bastard Mark Trail chase us down?”

May 8, 2009

Panel 1: Stringy might be sorry, but we won’t. The long-awaited (recall that Mark never really got to sock it to Ken the Kung-Fu Master) encounter with the Right Fist O’ Justice and the Left Foot O’ Retribution seems to hinge on this particular contingency.

Panel 2: “Unfortunately for Mark [and the readers of this blog], he, his pony, and Andy raced into the open jaws of the world’s largest brown bear.”

March 7, 2009

Panel 1: Hey, Wait? Are you fucking kidding me? Also, nice glove. Are you going to check and see whether they dusted before they vacated the cabin?

Panel 2: Or, possibly, they offered him another $500 to come along and bring Sassy the Rim-jobbing Hyenapig. The Elf, it seems, isn’t above a little pimping.

Panel 3: The JS appears to have chosen a carousel horse as the model for Mark’s pony at full gallop. Reference to a picture of an actual horse at full gallop identifies the problem with this approach: horses always have a leading leg. And this concludes today’s lesson in equine gaits.

March 6, 2009


The Jackelrod Sphere has clearly decided to pour every bit of its insanity into today’s Panel 3. Mark’s wide-eyed expression of…of…of…well, I’m not sure. But it sure is awesome.

March 5, 2009

Panel 1: Why are you surprised, Mark? Because you think the Elf is a whiny little shit and can’t really be expected to carry himself this far on his tender little feet? You’re probably correct, but I won’t hesitate to point out that you had to ride a pony to make it this far…

Panel 2: To find what? Ducks? Or pictures of ducks?

Panel 3: Today’s koan: If Mark Trail is not present to see someone use an old fishing cabin, has the fishing cabin actually been used?

May 4, 2009

Panel 1: “Yeah, next time we might threaten to roast and eat your little dog in order to lure you from your sylvan hideout.”

Panel 2: Useful. Right. About as useful as tits on a boar-hog. You’d be better off leaving him right there with a couple of spare memory cards. He’d spend the next three weeks trying to figure out how to get the pictures out of them and you guys would be safely ensconced in a hacienda in Mexico before anyone could get a word out of him.

Panel 3: “Or, possibly, he fell into an abandoned well. Let’s hope for the latter, Andy. Let’s hope for the latter….”

May 2, 2009

This morning, I was sitting at the breakfast table eating my oatmeal and watching my three year-old’s Puffins get soggy in her bowl. The TYO was sitting on the couch in the next room. My wife said, “You need to come eat your breakfast.” The TYO responded, “I can’t eat breakfast, I’m on a trip.” The Puffins continued to quietly absorb their milk. I said to my wife, “It’s a shame [the TYO] is on a trip, I guess I’ll have to eat her Puffins. They sure are good!” At this point, the TYO ran into the room shouting, “Wait Daddy! That’s my cereal!” I relate this story to you for the sole purpose of pointing out that while Tom Wopat and Stringy may be an inept set of criminals, they are at least smart enough to realize that the Elf (officially known as the Retarded Elf in this corner of the blogosphere) has the mental capacity of a three year-old.

Also, today’s Panel 2 and yesterday’s Panel 2 appear to recycle the same picture of the hyenapig being suspended by the nape of his neck. Interestingly, the arm holding the hyenapig is not recycled and appears to have been re-drawn.

May 1, 2009

Panel 1: “Whenever, too! Me and my pal Moe [a.k.a. Stringy], here, we’ve got skillz, time travel skillz. So even if you get your little dog back, we still have it. So suck it! Come out now, and we’ll only let her not stay alive once.”

Panel 2: Despite Tom Wopat’s assertions as to this creature’s provenance, this pictures still leads me to believe it is a young hyenapig as initially identified by Ace Buttockio.

Panel 3: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the picture definition of bathos.

1 comment:

  1. "To find what? Ducks? Or pictures of ducks?"

    El oh el.

    The penultimate panel of March 6th has puzzled me for a while. "IT IS RUSTY!" shouts mark. Shouldn't that be "It IS Rusty!", seeing as that inflection makes a little more sense. But then that wouldn't be as dramatic, I suppose.