First Taiwan, now the Moon!

July 10, 2009

Panel 1:"I mean, do you know how hard it is to find a pay phone these days?"

Panel 2:"I'd much rather meet you at the poker table where, I'll admit, you'd probably beat the pants off me, but where I could atleast feed this powerful gambling addiction I have without having to worry that you'd come kill me if I didn't pay up all that money I lost to you. Oh, and by the way, I love your mood-handkerchief. I see you're feeling a little sad right now."

Panel 3:Holy Fuck! The Asian mob have taken over the Moon, too!

Ace? That bird?

The Yellow Peril

July 9, 2009

Panel 1:Um, dude, remember yesterday? You're going to tell him NOTHING. When faced with the sort of forceful interrogation you're likely to receive from our "man" Mark Trail, I find it's best to stick your fingers in your ears and shout "Nah-nah-nah, I'm not listening, nah-nah-nah" until he lets up.

Panel 2:Or you could lure him out to the dump site where (and please note the Jackelrod Sphere's use of artistic symbolism here) you can swoop down on him like an owl on a meadow vole, rend him limb from limb, ingest his steaming carcass, and poop him out later in a neat little pellet of hair, teeth and bones. Awesome.

Panel 3:Hmmm... yellow dialog bubble. What does this mean? Is the mobster taking a leak in the bathroom of some dimly-lit italian restaurant? Has the mobster developed a case of sudden-onset jaundice so bad his speech is yellow? Wait, I know! This is the Jackelrod Sphere's retrograde way of telling us that Joey the Mullet has been dealing with Asian mobsters!

Another sample stolen from Hideous Ties-R-Us

July 8, 2009


Panel 1:Is it me, or does Ms. Williams hand look absurdly tiny on Mark's shoulder? It's like he's wearing a giant, inflatable jacket or something.

Panel 2:Well, gosh, that should certainly clear your record Mr. Mullet. Who knew it was so easy to disclaim one's involvement in a criminal conspiracy?

Panel 3:Oh, come on now. No mobster worth a bucket of warm spit (or more!) would resort to such bland legalisms as "I would advise you to not say anything." If this dude were the real deal, when faced with Joey the Mullet spilling the beans, he'd threaten to choke him on his own testicles or something. At least Joey had the presence of mind to track down a pay phone to call his non-threatening mobster friend. That way, he'll only have to listen to him for $0.35 worth of advice, or however much it takes to make a call on a pay phone these days.

The Lumpenproletariat

July 7, 2009

Panel 1:Mark is that an ironic because-we're-eating-at-50s-era-big-band-dining-club-in-2009 "fancy" or an unironic I-and-my-creator-are-so-completely-detached-from-reality-that-we-think-1957-defined-fancy-once-and-for-all "fancy"?

Panel 2:You know what? This dialogue doesn't improve if you replace "Mr. Trail" with "Mr. Bond."

Panel 3:Mmmm, yes. Because only environmentalists are concerned when they stumble across a pile of leaking drums in the woods. The rest of us sodden lumps would look at them, idly scratch our gonads, suddenly wonder whether anybody has a Twinkie we might eat or whether we should go to Wal-mart right now to buy a box, just as quickly forget what we were thinking about, and then wander off humming the latest hit single from Kris Allen and picking our nose.

Post-4th Catch-up.

July 6, 2009

Panel 1:Blah, blah, blah, recap, blah, blah, blah.

Panel 2:Blah, blah, blah, blind patriarchal condescension, blah, blah, blah.

Panel 3:Blah, blah, blah, suspicious bat eyes, blah, blah, blah.

July 4, 2009

Panel 1:"Maybe he can do something about this hair of yours."

Panel 2:Paddy, the Blue-Backed Woodthrush likes to store his insects under the protective cover of the Giant Clover here in the Land of the Lost Forest, where even tiny fungi grow to titanic proportions.

July 3, 2009

Panel 1:While there still remains some question as to the identity of the mobsters who ship waste for these yahoos, the real mystery is who is stroking Joey the Mullet's pomaded locks in this panel.

Panel 2:Dead. Jail... Dead. Jail... You know what Mr. Mullet, I'd take the latter.

Panel 3:If she were a smart CEO, she'd turn his ass in after having "found evidence" of his violation of the owner/operator provisions in RCRA. He'd take the heat for the crime, but he'd be safe from his mob friends and WCC would probably only get a slap on the wrist for not managing their environmental program better. But, she's not a smart CEO, she's just a bit player in the drama that is Mark Trail. This means that she's going to call Mark in for help, he's going to beat the Mob into a pulp, clean up Lost Forest, and return home to a day's worth of maudlin dialogue before sprinting on to his next adventure that will, hopefully, remove him far from Cherry's amorous advances.

Your life or your waste!

July 2, 2009

Panel 1:Ahem. [blushes modestly]

Panel 2:Finally! The close-up of the hair we've all been waiting for! Look at it. Joey the Mullet has enough pomade on the top four-fifths of his head to lube a Yugo. On the bottom fifth, though, the man has let his inner yakuza loose and punch-permed his mullet into the shape of a well-pruned shrubbery.

Panel 3:A world of shit, lady, a world of shit.

If it's Joe Pesce...

July 1, 2009

Panel Zero:Okay, I'll admit right now that I'm actually enjoying this story arc. Sure, the whole gambling thing was fairly predictable, but Ms. Williams remains an engima. The Jackelrod Sphere has actually done a good job (gasp!) depicting a character whose motivations are murky and who seems to be treading a fine line between malfeasance and innocence. Of course, we're only on the 7th week of this plot so there's plenty of time for Ms. Williams to devolve into a charicature, but I'll give credit where credit's due. That said, I reserve the right to erase this post (and replace it with merciless mocking of the giant panthersquirrel in Panel 2) if the local capo shows up and is some short, swarthy dude in a pin-striped suit and fedora....